Dear A,

I can’t believe you will be 1 in a couple of days! How much we all waited for this day! Although everything is shut due to lockdown, we’re trying to get whatever we can to make your day fun and memorable. I will try my hands on baking for the first time in 30 years, LOL!

You don’t even know what a B’day is! All of these things like your birthday cake, dress, and decorations seem temporary to me. I wanted to gift you something special and meaningful on this day that will stay with you forever, even when I will not be with you anymore. Now that I’m earning I can afford some really good stuff but I don’t want to make it materialistic. I also thought of making a garden in our balcony but we can’t go out to get the plants. But we will plant, if not today; tomorrow.

So after thinking about your gift for so many days, I came up with this idea of writing an open letter to you. I don’t know when will you start reading and when will you understand what I have to say. But let me just express what I am feeling now, at this very moment. (So excited for the day when you will finally open this letter!)

You are truly a blessing. You could be anywhere in the world, but God dropped you in my life and I am grateful for it. When I realized I was pregnant and the expected due date is my own birth date, I was on cloud nine. I hoped and prayed for you to arrive on my birthday, and you listened to me. What a day it was! I was in tears when I first saw you; you were so beautiful; red face, head full of dark hair, and those sparkling grey alert eyes. You were handed over to me swaddled in pink muslin with white Bandhani work. At that moment, I realized what life is and what happiness is.

As time flew, I had my ups and downs. But your smiling face was enough to make me stronger. As I always say, there’s no perfect mother and there’s no formula to motherhood. You learn it with experience and your child is your teacher. You are a perfect teacher, my A.

I chose to work because the first thing I want you to learn from me is independence. It hurts hard when I leave you back at home or the daycare. But trust me; you are always, always at the back of my mind. Never for a second I forget you or will ever forget you. You are a detachable part of me. I can definitely detach you but I’m incomplete without you.

You should also know that just because I can’t bear the thought of staying away from you, doesn’t mean I will cut your wings and not let you fly away to live your dreams. More than anything else I want you to be stronger, kinder, and believer. I want you to live your dreams.

I am sorry I will never tell you the stories of Cinderella & Snowwhite like how your Nani used to tell me. Those are the fantastic stories, no doubt! But I don’t want you to waste most of your life waiting for someone else to make you feel complete and happy. Just know that you are complete. You never needed anybody’s help, let alone mine. You learned everything on your own. I never had to teach you to flip or to stand or to walk. You did everything on your own. And I’m sure you will do everything on your own.

As they say, every coin has two sides. Life has its beautiful side, explore it! Fall in love, appreciate the good in people around you, love nature, feed that starving dog on the footpath, and help that old woman carrying bags full of groceries. The more you spread the love, the more it will come back to you. Learn to focus on this side of life and you will never have to chase happiness again.

So I am done with giving you lessons on ‘self-help’! In case you ever feel stuck or need any help or just feel like sharing something, I am always there! Just like how my Mom was always there to listen to everything I had to say. I know what difference it makes in a daughter’s life. I promise I will do my best to give you the life you dream for. I love you, darling! Now stop blushing and laugh laud because that is what exactly I want you to do!

Love,

Mamma